I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
