im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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