Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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