why didn't you poke me back
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
