morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
