Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
