the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
