ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
