I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
