does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
