At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
