i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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