Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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