I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
