if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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