hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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