thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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