"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
