So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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