I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
