I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
