i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
