I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
