Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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