The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
