The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
