Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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