Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
