Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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