I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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