the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
