seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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