glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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