Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
