I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
