Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
