Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they need to just BURY HIM!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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