He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
