You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
