After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
