Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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