Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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