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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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