some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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