Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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