Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
