My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Too much gin, very little bucket
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
