Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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