If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
