MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
