It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
