Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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