Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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