elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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