i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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