im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing