Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."