I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy