Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
