And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
