I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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