The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
