Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
